Life n' "F"

Let me take a look in my review mirror. Well, I admit there ain't lot of things I can see clearer. But enough messy things to mess me up and make my mind disappear in the dark smoke of the past. Well, all my life I've never been trying to hold on to anything. The only thing in my life that never changes is the tendency to be changed. Let me rethink for a second. Are these lines matches my life. Ummmmmmm................I think it does.

"I've been loved, I've been lone,
All my life I've been a rolling stone"

But there's a mysterious thing you know. Though all my life I've been a rolling stone, still I gather a heavy layer of moss. Is there any one who can clarify why? Sometime I think that all my motion is just virtual. May be I'm not moving actually, it's my surrounding that moves and make me feel like moving. Or may be accidentally my velocity is equal to the velocity of moss. So they are with me. These moss are nothing but the nightmare of my fucking past. (Well let me tell you one think, in this writing I’d gotta use this great “F”-word a lot, as they are very important part of my liFe.)
Through out my god or devil damn fucking liFe I’ve always been defeated and defeated so badly that I consider it a fucking win whenever I just got a chance to fight it back. Through out my fucking school career I just somehow managed to pass and by the edge got a chance in a fucking college. From school I used to have a fucking dream that college-liFe won’t suck that much. But now I feel it sucks more. All my fucking liFe I always wanted to be writer or a painter. But no one appreciates none of the above works of mine, rather if I tell the fucking truth, no fucking work of mine ever be appreciated by anyone. Whatever, in these fucking days I paint a lot. Only the fucking difference is that I dreamed to paint abstract and what I paint is damn specific thing, Fucking reinforcement design of slab, footing, beam, column and blah blah blah…
In my liFe all the fucking good things I left undone and all the fucking bad things I never miss. I smoked in the fucking institute-roof, attend class being totally out, pour vodka in a water-bottle and drink it as if I’m drinking fucking water in front of a teacher and don’t even forget to offer him for a sip(but sad to say he denied the “water”…) and so many things that I can’t tell about.

But there’s a fucking good thing. There’s a fucking proverb that gives fucking hope to me, “Failure is the pillar of success”. I’ve been failed so many times that I can bet my pillar is the greatest one. And being a would-be civil engineer I can tell you how fucking important the pillar is in a damn fucking structure.

So ultimately what's the conclusion of my liFe is that it's all fuck up by others and most of the cases by myself. But you know what's the fucking magic. I still love myself and my silly liFe. I’m so grateful to being fucked up. Cause this is the time I found friend, the real ones who’s there to pull me through. Really I never knew that being fucked up can be so funny. After all being fucked up through out my fucking liFe I’ve finally become who I am. And I’m rather be hated for who I’m than be loved for who I’m not. Cause I love myself a lot. And you know, I feel nothing but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little liFe. Yup, it's all fucked up. But have you ever really see what happened to my liFe if it wasn't filled with this "F"? Well you omit yourself the "F"-factor from my liFe, it'd be just 'nother LIE (LIFE - F) !

Yeah, my liFe is all wasted but best enjoyed...